Holla, Rape Haters!

I've been worming my way through a surprisingly good read called The Girlfriend Test by Wendy Walsh. And while I found the title to make my feminism chuckle, it was totally worth the 35 cents at one of Waldenbooks' Crazy Sales. She finds some interesting stuff about gender relations, and it would probably be terribly useful if I was in the market for boyfriends. If you're single and confused, go buy it.

Anyways, in Chapter 8, she relays some rather valuable information to us ladies (and men...?): How to avoid Date-Rape. Walsh mentions a few studies (although doesn't cite them, grr!) in which they found--surprise, surprise--Date Rapists aren't always clear on the message of "Get-the-fuck-away-from-me" that their victims are broadcasting. She mentions a few problems (i.e.: Using "no" as foreplay), but there are some tricky ones that mask as chivalry. The Five Factors that will make a rapist think he is owed sex by his date are as follows:

1. He initiated the date
   
2. He picks the date up and drops her off
   
3. He picks up the check
   
4. His date hangs around in his parked car (assumably as he's dropping her off)
   
5. She goes to his apartment with him

The first one is simply unavoidable. But the others... well, ladies... welcome to the Twenty-First Century. Chivalry without sexpectation is dead.

Now, this isn't by any means to say that ALL men are potential rapists. Not by a long shot. The catch is that you never know when a man is one. Date Rape is a tricky crime, because a lot of the men who commit it aren't even aware they've done it. They don't set out to rape a girl. They just think that what they've done is "payment" for sex. (Seriously, think of prostitution's historical success: men are easily capable of the equation $$=sex.) But I think this is revelatory information for girls. I've long thought it rather polite for a date to pay for me and to pick me up. I had always considered that a man who asks me out is paying for my company--not my cooch. I mean, isn't that enough? (Apparently not for some men.) I mean, I's the same thing if I asked a guy out--now I'm paying for his company. That's just how I've always thought it should work. I'm sure a lot of guys would feel rather awkward about accepting dates if they knew they were expected to perform cunnnilingus when the woman paid.

It's irritating to think that women have to pony up for their half of the check if they don't feel like being pressured into the nookie. However, it's a reality we have to face if we want to prevent date rape. I'd like this to be a world were girls can go into a guy's apartment and not be raped, or to walk down lonely alleyways at 2 a.m., or pass out at a rave and not get raped--but it's the fact of the matter that there are situations which put us in danger. Prevention is the important end of elimintating rape. Once it's happened, there's no amount of punishment that will undo the crime and its repercussions. I'll never be the one to say that the victim is at blame, or that "she asked for it." However, I will say that we need to wisen up, and stop putting ourselves in a position for rape. Don't go walking down alleyways at 2 a.m. unless you've got a switchblade soaked in lemon juice, don't binge on any drug unless you're in the company of trustworthy and sober friends, and don't ever let your date think you owe him something.