12.29.2006

The Virgin Hunts

In my typical internet amblings, I came across this exciting blog on the Jane Magazine website (no, I don't read Jane; I was actually on the Bitch magazine website which linked to this). This is a blog, dubbed: "The Virgin Chronicles" which follows the quest of a sexy 30-year-old virgin to find Mr. Right-for-the-Taking. She apparently had grown sick of her relatives trying to find her a first at the Christmas Dinner table, and had enlisted Jane Magazine to =ahem= broadcast her cause. Now possible Deflowerers have been lining up 'round the block, and this girl still hasn't managed to go around it once. She was aiming at losing the big V for her 30th birthday on November 7, but alas, she's still in the giggly flirting period with every prospect. I'm sorry, she doesn't need cock. She needs a lesson in easyness. She even recently posted about going back to some Doctor's house and drinking chardonnay. But apparently he got as far as first base. Now, I'm not one to judge what a girl considers high status, but an attractive doctor with (as she claims) good decorating skills, a nice house, and good taste in wine is enough for me to spread. But no, she likes taking things slow. As if she hasn't taken things slow enough.

Mind you, I'm not saying, "give it up like a good woman should." I'm saying, 30 is old enough. If you want to lose it, lose it. Enough with this coquettery. Your first time isn't your wedding day (well... okay, I guess for some people it is), so stop being so damn picky. If you're so damn frustrated that you need the help of a magazine to find a decent guy, take the first one that looks good and go at it. You don't have to marry him. You just have to get naked and lie still.

It's no wonder this girl hasn't gotten around to the naked and nasty, she's building it up like she thinks there will be doves, a holy choir, and a laser light show. Face it: your first time is often, at best, your worst. Especially for a woman. It hurts, and it can get very awkward. Just get it done and over with, like so many other frustrated women have done before. And if you're hemming and hawwing rather than ripping your first date's shirt off and screaming, "30 years is too long!! ME WANT SEX!!" over escargot and pinot noir, then maybe sex isn't your thing. I mean, it doesn't even seem like this girl has done any variation of the nasty. If she can only manage some kissing with Mr. Sexy Doctor, I don't think sex is her thing--even with a light show.

She did go to an all-girls high school, all-girls college, and now lives in a girls-only apartment building... Maybe she should take all the obvious signs and think about why Mr. Sexy Doctor wasn't enough to merit at least a little groping action...

So, as a final note to all the virgins out there: sex is not a big deal. When you decide you want it: go for it. It's easy. There are plenty of able and willing partners out there. Just don't insist on dating every potential person in the world before you get around to it. Attractive and able-bodied is good enough for a first.

12.23.2006

A Forget-Me-Not for thought



Act accordingly.