9.02.2007

A letter to the exclusionary Christians.


Dear Christians who want everything they do to be marked with a Christian-friendly approval:

America is not a fan of you. In fact, America doesn't like the following types: immigrants who refuse to speak English but still demand that somebody understand them, people who are not willing to take the blame for their own lack of common sense (coffee=hot!), people who want to make us feel guilty for simple pleasures (e.g.: meat-eating), and people who insist that they only affiliate with people who are exactly like them. This is a nation founded on conflict and intellectual debate, and to effectively remove yourselves from the debate by not associating with anyone but other Christians is (in my opinion) unAmerican.

I completely understand the desire for Christian churches (duh), Christian schools, Christian holidays, Christian jewelry, Christian music, Christian literature, Christian apparel, and Christian get-togethers (e.g.: picnics and dances). I respect that Christians are proud of whom they are, want to be in an atmosphere where they may practice their beliefs without having to explain them, and just like hanging out with other Christians. But I am not so tolerant of Christian literary magazines, Christian cookbooks, Christian universities, Christian hospitals, Christian bars, Christian plumbers, Christian how-to-knit guides, Christian banks, Christian summer camps (those which have nothing to do with Christianity except being run by Christians), and Christian restaurants. Now you guys are just being silly. It would not hurt for you to step into the world of mainstream America and notice that the rest of us, the sinful and the unsaved, would be happy to have a polite conversation with you over coffee. Perhaps if you came down from your ivory towers and realized that the rest of the world has some really neat stuff in it (you'd be amazed where the arts have come since they stopped being endorsed by the Church!), then maybe you'd realize that the only thing good about your version of certain things is that it's "morally good."

Seriously guys, your music hasn't been good since Bach.

Oh, and lay off that apocalypse shit for a year or two. That shit's been old since 1001 A.D.

Love,
Zan

P.S.: Rant brought to you by the Christian Literary Magazine, Wide Awake, at UVa