8.12.2008

I'm Gonna Size You Up


So today I'm not wearing the right bra size. I like the color, however, especially under the see-through shirt I'm wearing, and I paid, like, $30 for it, so I'm wearing the damn bra anyways! Sometimes this bra likes to ride up (because it's the wrong size) and requires some adjusting every now and then; it starts doing this as I'm journeying to the Promised Land, and I begin adjusting my straps. As I do so, some yokel in the lane next to me starts wheeling his scrawny neck around to look at me in a very conspicuous manner. Grow. Up. It's not like I was popping my tits out of my shirt and fondling them. I mean, I don't mind being looked at, but I do mind being gawked at when I'm not trying to attract freak-show-style attention.
See, the problem I own the wrong size in the first place is because I believed I was a 34C for a while. This was a jump up from the 34B I had been up until I turned 21--when my breasts decided to grow a size up. Apparently, I've been wrong my entire life.
I work at Victoria's Secret, and I really like what I do. And my job entails being able to size breasts accurately--something I can do with moderate accuracy without even a tape measure. So, believe me when I say I now am absolutely positive I am a 32D--big boobies on a skinny girl, which makes for a difficult bra size to find.

How to measure oneself?
While standing up with a normal bra on (no minimizers, binders, corsets, padded bras, add-a-cup types, or sports bras--and don't go au naturale), take a measuring tape (the typical dressmaker's kind, nothing fancy) and wrap it around the back, underneath the armpits, across the top of the breasts. This measurement should give the band size. I know this seems against logic, since the band goes just underneath the breasts, and not across the top, but trust me. If you measure underneath the breasts, you have to add about 3 or 4 inches to get the band size (underneath my breasts I measure 28 inches, but underneath my pits I'm 31 inches). Underneath-the-breasts +3" is only a useful measurement if the armpit measuring is going to be off--e.g.: if you have a lot of fat (as can happen with some 42" band sizes or greater) or muscle (as in swimmers) underneath your armpits.
Anyways, now that you've got your band size, measure across the fullest part of the breasts--laying the tape more or less right over the nipples. The tape measure should be roughly level all the way--it's important it's not slanting up or down as it goes around your back. When measuring across the breasts, the tape measure should not press into the breasts at all. In fact, it's best to draw the tape out at the center of the breasts and give it a little space--you want this measurement to be loose. This measurement must come out either equal or greater than your band size--really it should be greater if you even bother wearing a bra. I'll explain how this measurement turns into a letter in a moment.
*A note: If you measure at a band size of 32, you should inhale and hold a deep breath while measuring across the nipples--small torsos notoriously come out wrong with cup size measurement (I measured a 32A!).
Take the band size and subtract it from the number you just got from across your nipples. The difference between these two numbers will give you your cup size:

  • 0 = AA
  • 1 = A
  • 2 = B
  • 3 = C
  • 4 = D
  • 5 = DD

And so on.

Now you try on a bra in your new size! I recommend going to Victoria's Secret to try on a bra since you can get your measurement double-checked by any competent associate, but if you're a DIY girl, you can go to a department store where some of the fancy-schmancy brands run a wide range of sizes (DKNY and Vera Wang come to mind).

Now, how to tell if you're wearing the right bra size?
Stand up. Put your arms straight down at your side. Ask yourself these questions, moving your arms as necessary to check:
  • Does your underwire come underneath your arm? It should.
  • Can you put two (and only two) fingers in the space between your bra and the start of your armpit? It does not matter what kind of bra you are wearing.
  • Does your band go across the center of your back? Wearing it too high up your back is a sign your bandsize is too big--or your straps are too tight.
  • Does the space between cups (usually triangle-shaped--called the "gore") fall flat against your body? If it doesn't naturally touch your skin at the top, your cup size might be too small.
  • Is your band snug against your back without digging into your skin? You should not be able to pull it too far from your back if it is the right size and in the right place.


The vast majority of women do not know their bra size, and most of the ones I measure are wearing a bra at least 2 cups too small. Measure yourself and someone you love. It will make a difference to wear your right bra size. Don't panic if you're several cup sizes greater or smaller than you thought you were--it's about comfort, not a letter grade. Also, if you're quick with abstract thought, you may have noticed that the equation for achieving your bra size is based on a difference between two measurements--i.e.: a 36A has the same cup as a 34B, which is the same cup as a 32C, and so on. This also means that any cup size letter (B,C,D) is a meaningless generalization without a bandsize; my 32Ds are considerably smaller than a 38D. So you can't just "make-do" by going up a bandsize number and assume the cup will fit just the same.

Well, that's most of my knowledge regarding bra sizing. I'm willing to take questions, or--more happily--customers who would like the full-on Zan-expertise (or "Zanpertise"). This is never an easy thing, but, dammit!, it's important to keep the girls happy!

0 love notes: