For Argument's Sake!

You know what, mankind? I'm from New York (although this attitude can be found throughout New England), and when I say something offensive, you'll know it. It'll be accompanied by a prominent middle figure, and ending in such delightful phrases as, "Fuck face," "shit hole," or (my mother's favorite) "cocksucking motherfucker asswhore." So, if you are offended by something I've said, and it does not follow the above guidelines, I have not meant to offend you, and am really hoping that any offense you might take will be mediated through the ancient art of argument. So, I say something like, "I think your religion is ridiculous because of blah-blah-blah." If you don't agree, I would love (and I do mean love) for you to tell me so. You can be all like, "Look, fuckface, it seems pretty sensible to me because blah-blah-blah is taken out of context, or [insert logical, contradictory statement to my previous assumption here]." I don't like offending people, but what I like even less is the distinct impression that I've offended someone who is too chicken to call me out when I'm practically asking them to prove me wrong. Where I'm from, opinions can get served up faster than a civil suit to McDonald's, and we foster nice healthy debates. I can get into quite heated debates with my own husband, and immediately afterwards (if not during) have hot, kinky sex for an hour. Debate is normal! I want someone to argue with me. Otherwise how will I ever know that my opinions (or your opinions) are wrong?

So please: argue with me. I can't hold this self esteem up on my own, peoplez.